Unwanted guests.

I'm dreaming that I'm asleep, a bit like an out of body experience, watching over myself, deep in slumber. I'm restless, brow furrowed, perspiration glinting on my skin.

Then i wake suddenly, now back inside my body, viewing the scene through fearful eyes.

I jump up from my crumpled bedsheets, duvet wildly dishevelled, and race into the kitchen, my mum is there, she's mopping the floor, there are other people in the house too, people i have never seen before. Every room is like a wild party, but the guests are all unwanted here.

I turn to my mum, she cries, "I tried to stop them, but there were too many!"

The washing machine door is hanging off it's hinges, my clean but sodden clothes are spilling out onto the slippery floor, there are white bin liner bags strewn about, here and there, all full of my laundered clothes. I didn't think my wardrobe was that extensive!!

I go into each room, and all have people in them, either having sex or just sitting round chatting, smoking, drinking, arguing. In each room, there are the white bags, all holding my clothes, my paintings, my possessions.

Rage starts to consume my whole body, i feel it flooding my veins, my nerves, my muscles, then an explosion, it's my voice, resounding through the walls, through these unwanted, spiteful guests. Blood starts to seep from their eyes, noses, ears and mouths, they stand there, all unable to get away from my wrath.

Then silence, calm descends across my being, the sorrowful throng, heads bowed, all leave my house as one almighty mass, their faces smeared in the blood of their wrong doing.

I feel no emotion now, standing, staring blankly, as if in a trance. My mum comforts me.

Bizarre Baby.

I'm in the labour room, doctors and nurses rushing about in emergency, the tiny baby is crying, barely audible. Nobody is speaking to me, I haven't a clue what is going on, or if this baby, no bigger than the palm of my hand, will survive, or even if i care at all.

Sharpness in my arm, then the nurse telling me it'll all be ok, just to sleep.

I'm at home, this tiny intruder, helpless and painfully under-developed, is swallowed up by it's miniature cot. It's huge eyes stare, unable to focus, but aware of my presence, it squeaks and whimpers for attention.

I pick her up, she lays in the palm of my hand like a child's rag doll, but the weight of her is surprising, so heavy i nearly drop her. I take her in both hands, and her nappy is so full it slips down her legs and onto the floor, the contents spilling everywhere. I'm amazed at where it all came from.

I call out for a little help, and my sister appears in the doorway, "Here", she says, "Let me take her, You clean up". Confused, and a little disgruntled, i attend to the problem, still wondering how on earth this baby is mine, and what I am going to do!

Panicked screaming rings in my ears, "The baby! The baby!, She's not breathing!", I tear into the other room where my sister is shaking the baby, in a desperate attempt to revive her. "No,no,no!", I'm screaming, "Not like that!". I take the baby, I try to administer mouth to mouth, covering her nose and mouth with my mouth, breathing gently, willing her on.

Grey, her eyes bulging, she lay motionless, her tiny body, skin and bone. I am relieved, for her and for myself. I know she was in pain, i know she wasn't meant to be. I shed a single tear.

She fades away from my vision, gradually like a distant cloud dispersing, then she's gone.

My sister is no longer by my side, was she ever there at all?